Excuses to Skip Work Happy Hour

Work happy hour is a strange contract. It is voluntary, it is unpaid, it takes place in a venue chosen by whoever answered first, and attendance is nonetheless quietly logged by at least one person. The event has a natural life of about seventy minutes, after which it becomes a different event with a smaller cast and a worse next morning. The cleanest exits are logistical, because logistics are impersonal. Trains, pickups, and the fact that the bar is forty minutes in the wrong direction from your house are all facts about geography rather than facts about your feelings towards the team. The one thing to avoid is the vague 'I might come later', which is worse than a no: it keeps a chair open, and somebody will text you at half eight. And if you don't drink, say so plainly and skip without ceremony. Standing in a loud bar holding a lime and soda for two hours is a specific and underrated kind of long. Below are ten excuses to skip work happy hour, plus twenty in the generator for the Thursdays that keep coming.